Open to unpaid work
A short profile of my working life →
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Curriculum vitae
Career
2024 – present · Chief Ambiguity Officer
European Institute for Provisional Decision-Making, Brussels
Responsible for postponing decisions until a working group exists to decide whether a working group is needed.
2021 – 2024 · Communications Specialist
Luxembourg Navy, Luxembourg City
Maintained contact with the fleet.
2019 – 2021 · Senior Data Security Specialist
International Court of Western Powers, The Hague
Secured the case files so well that the Court itself could no longer open them. Internally regarded as a great success.
2017 – 2019 · Lead Architect Retroactive Planning
Ministry of Future Affairs (in formation since 1998)
Wrote plans for projects that were already finished, so everything always went according to plan.
2015 – 2017 · Manager Senior Cross-Functional Synergy Enablement & Agile Transformation Governance
Global Holistic Solutions Group B.V. (worldwide, but mostly Zoetermeer)
Facilitated stand-ups about facilitating stand-ups.
2013 – 2015 · Head of Silence Quality Control
National Agency for Acoustic Heritage
Measured the silence in Frisian churches. The report ran to 400 pages and contained nothing.
2011 – 2013 · Interim Cloud Classifier
Royal Netherlands Meteorological Institute, Department of Unused Categories
Introduced the cloud type Cumulus Dubiosus. Still under review.
2008 – 2011 · Logistics Coordinator Inland Seafaring
Foundation for Wadden Sailing Without Water
Planned sailing routes at low tide. Highly efficient: nothing ever sailed.
2005 – 2008 · Junior Validator of Validations
National Bureau of Double-Checking
Checked whether the check had been checked. Named Most Thorough Employee in 2007; the result is still being checked.
2001 – 2005 · Freelance Convertible Roof Whisperer
Self-employed, Stiens
Talked reluctant soft tops into closing after all. Success rate 62% (in dry weather).
Education
- MSc Applied Vagueness, University of Nowhere (cum laude, nobody knows why)
- First-year certificate in Meeting Studies, Inholland & Outholland University of Applied Sciences
- Swimming certificate A, with the remark “could probably manage B”
Skills
- Excel (up to and including column AZ)
- Fluent in Dutch, Frisian, English and Corporate
- Can nod very convincingly in Teams meetings
References
Available on request, but we advise against it.
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